Certain realizations popped into my head. One of which is embracing my singlehood. I realized that I have no chance dating younger men who are 3-5 years younger than me. For the past, I realized I’m gauged in being attracted to younger man even if I didn’t really know at first that person is way younger than me. Maybe I’ll have a chance to date someone who is atleast 1 year younger than me or about the same year as I was born (1994).
Before I would get anxious by setting life goals that I need to have a family and a baby before I reached my 30. Because I learned that 30-ish first time moms either have difficult labor and the higher chance of having baby with a deformity. But that change. Prior to starting my classes in Med school, God made an impression on me that studies must come first. He graciously allowed me to study Med school and that I must first graduate Medicine on year 2020. Another thing I learned, my pathologist professor had her first baby when she was late 30-ish. She also had same fear as I had but she learned that if you have diabetes or hypertension, those things are risk factors for having deformed babies. And I confirmed this by things I learn in Med school especially we have Pediatrics, Internal Medicine and Pathology subjects.
And so I’m gonna embrace the fact that I might get date, wed and have a family when I’m 30 plus years old. What I can do right now is become a doctor. I can also try to improve my health by trying to be vegan (I ain’t consistent really) and exercise. I have a high risk of diabetes and hypertension because it runs in my family and some of my lifestyle habits from when I was teenager up to now. Right now I lose hope of my Church crush or classmate crush. I have now a huge crush on Yoon Jeonghan. He’s a Kpop idol and member of boy group Seventeen. And he’s 1 year younger than me. I told my sister in Christ I liked this person. She told me I had no chance. That’s alright. In my mind, I may be jobless and lacking in merit. But who knows if I actually become a full pledge doctor, I might attract a Kpop idol. Ignore me right now. This is just me dreaming.